Changes...

While I was working on helping my daughter get more out of her life - still a work in progress but coming along - we were having some other behaviour problems.  This year she suddenly seemed to be going through a kind of adolescence (a bit late at 25 but there you go!) with a lot of independent behaviour and a great deal of stroppiness over little things.  One of the main bones of contention was having her hair brushed.  I'm very willing for her to do her own hair, but the bottom line is that most of the time she just wafts the brush at the front part and leaves the back straggly.  It's bad enough that she chooses to wear her oldest clothes which are battered and generally coverd in paint splashes (but they are her favourites so I try to keep my mouth shut as it is her choice), but I draw the line at letting her out of the house looking like she just got out of bed.

So I used to brush her hair before she goes out and get hands waved, head covered, flinching and more recently, I got hit.  I was trying to be as gentle as I could but nothing seemed to work.  It came to a head when I lost my temper at being thumped every day for a week, yelled at her and threw the brush across the room.  Not behaviour I am proud of.  I was appalled at what we had been reduced to and had to take a step back and think about what I could do to redress the situation.

So, after a chat with my daughter about how she should never hit anyone, which I think sunk in, I went on the hunt for a magic brush.  I eventually found something labelled as being able to get through tangles without pulling but it cost £11 - that's a lot of money for a plastic brush that might not even work.  I stood in the shop deliberating for a good five minutes then finally decided that if it did work, it would be the best £11 I spent that month.

It really is a magic brush - I am now able to brush her hair without fear of being hurt myself.  She is still not happy about it, but her hair is not getting pulled inadvertently, neither are the bristles scraping her scalp - I don't know if either of these were the problem, but whatever it was, we seem to have got rid of it.  You have not idea how relieved I am that this has been solved - it was making both of us so unhappy.  Little things seem to cause the biggest reactions, and many times it is impossible to see the wood for the trees when you are in the middle of it.

Now, about those tatty clothes....

Periods

I can only contribute what I know from personal experience here. My daughter began her periods very early on, while she was still 11 years old. I had begun to talk to her about what would happen in the future but it was still quite a shock for her.

However, it didn't cause as many problems as I thought. I had made sure that whenever I had my own period I did not hide what was happening. If she happened to walk in on me in the bathroom, I would explain what I was doing and why and the procedure was quite familiar to her. So when it was her turn, it took a couple of months for her to come to terms with it, but after that she was able to keep herself clean and change her sanitary towel by herself very well. Of course there have been a few mishaps along the way, but that happens to all of us!

She does experience quite a bit of pain however, and the trick here is to get in fast with the pain relief. I give her soluble paracetemol, which began as she used to have difficulty swallowing tablets, but now has the advantage of acting that little bit faster. Occasionally I have been called from school/college etc. to say that she is really suffering and then the best thing is to bring her home, sit her down with a hot water bottle and a cup of tea in front of the tv!

So I would recommend letting your daughter see the routine involved with personal hygiene during a period long before it is time for her to start her own - no, you don't yell from the bathroom 'hey, come and have a look at this!', but if the situation arises, don't hide it. I have found over the years that if an activity is familiar to my daughter, she is more than willing to do it by herself and emulate what she has seen. This is probably why she can work the DVD player better than I can.........