Anxiety...

We are still in the process of sorting out a replacement activity for Stacie on a Thursday - had a review meeting with our new social worker/care manager last week which seemed to go very well.  There are three possible choices - now we have to wait and see which one has vacancies and whether or not it is approved by the panel at Adult Services.

This kind of thing is always a worry - in the current climate (and even before) I am always expecting the worst and to have what we have taken away.

Today we have a financial review to see whether or not Stacie can contribute to her Direct Payments (which are used to pay for her weekly activities) using her income from her ESA & DLA payments.  I've had to think of everything I spend her money on and list it.  The anticipation of today has worried me ever since it was arranged - again, will we have what we have taken away?  We manage OK on what we get with our resources pooled together - we can't afford luxuries but we get by just fine. The thought of possibly having what is basically a cut in her benefits and it being dependent on what one woman thinks of us today is frightening.  I hate being dependent on anyone, it's a loss of control, and what is even worse is knowing that there is very little I can do about it - I can't ever get a 9-5 job whilst I am her carer, so we are very much at the mercy of benefits agencies.

So here I am, feeling slightly sick, hoping for the best but very much fearing the worst. 

N.B. I needn't have worried - we were visited by a lovely lady who made sure that everything was OK and our finances stay completely as they were.  It doesn't change the fact that the fear & anxiety before meetings like this are impossible to quell - for me anyway!